When Dwarf 3 entered the fray:
Midway through the first year’s course, The Party Club (whose KRA was obviously to organize parties and outings for the entire college) organized a trek to a waterfall located somewhere in the heart of La La Land. Shivaji, who had been roped into organizing the trek, came and broke the news to The Conquerors.
The Buffer groaned. He had eaten himself badly out of shape to go off on such jaunts. Sambaji sighed. He had even started going to the bar opposite the college on his bike of late. Aurangzeb was worried, would they be able to get back in time to finish their assignment for the next day’s lecture he wondered.
At this point, Shivaji got really pissed off with all of them. “Don’t behave like sissies” he said. “Just imagine: blue skies, a gentle breeze, flowing water, peaceful surroundings……………………..and ninety chicks accompanying us!!! If even one of them twist’s their ankle by accident, we will be on the spot to play good Samaritans and win the day”
While not wanting to calculate the probability of Shivaji’s fantasy coming true, The Conquerors, free spirits that they were, all got ready for this arduous trip. They got up at the crack of dawn, did their morning routine of pushups, crunches and the ten kilometer jog and were the first one’s to reach the bus………well not quite…….lets just suffice it to say that they all just managed to get onboard before it left them behind.
And so, off got down from the bus, Shivaji, Sambaji, The Buffer, Aurangzeb, The Knight, Ladykiller and The Consultant. The Organising Committee addressed the not so jolly group of trekkers and informed them that their destination was a mere five kilometer ascent. Sambaji immediately sat down. “I think I’ve sprained my ankle” he said. Shivaji gave him a kick and said “Buddy, the good samaritan part is applicable only to the chicks, so lets go”.
After a half hour of panting, groaning and falling over rocks, creepers and muck, they finally stopped to catch their breath. And it was then that The Knight spotted something out of the ordinary. “Who’s that hanging around Snow White?” he said. That’s when the rest of them saw ‘The Saint’.
So let’s go back a little and introduce The Saint. The Saint, unlike the legendary character of Simon Templar as created by Leslie Charteris was no Robin Hood who liked to steal from the greedy and give it to the needy. In fact, he was quite the opposite. He was extremely religious (hence the name) and used to get up every morning and after having a bath (which was not that common on campus) faithfully recite the Hanuman Chalisa without fail. His life revolved around Finance. Bonds, LC’s, P/E ratios, Escrow accounts, you name it and he would provide information about it by the hatful. But he had strictly sworn himself off the fairer sex. Mind over…………..errr………..matter, and all that kind of stuff.
Hence, seeing him with Snow White caused an even greater flutter in The Conqueror’s camp. “Let’s close in on them and try to figure out what’s happening” suggested Shivaji. And so forgetting all about sprained ankles, rocks, creepers and muck, they quickly closed in on their target and started eavesdropping on their conversation. The right motivation can indeed work wonders!!!
The Saint was reciting a “financial shayari” for Snow White and it went somewhat like this:
Bin bole tumhare dil ki RTGS mere dil tak pahunch jati hai
LC (Letter of Credit) mein dooriyan bhi mit jati hai
bas aisehi mujhe tumhare Escrow Account mein samhaye rakhna
P/E (Pyaar to Enmity) ratio ka ye karava hamesha banaye rakhna…
“What’s this ‘crow’ this fellow is referring to?” asked a puzzled Shivaji. “The one whose droppings are S shaped in nature” wisecracked Aurangzeb. “Shhh” scolded The Knight who was trying to figure out what all this was leading to.
“Wow, that’s some heavy duty shayari dude” said Snow White. “Thanks” said The Saint. “It’s come about because of the two great inspirations of my life, Mirza Ghalib and Finance. Would you care for some more?”
“Ummm………………well……………..I would love to but I think my group is calling me” saying which Snow White managed to get away.
“Where the hell did this guy come from?” thundered The Buffer. “I think I might be able to throw some light on this” said Aurangzeb. A couple of days back, when Aurangzeb, Snow White and their group had been trying to solve their Finance Assignment, they had come across some difficulty in interpreting all the financial mumbo jumbo. Someone in the group had suggested that they meet with The Saint and get some gyaan from him. As he was reputed to be concise and to the point while explaining such stuff, they hoped to get back in double quick time and finish off the assignment quickly. However, he seemed to take an interminably long time to explain the basic fundas to them, not helped by the fact that he wanted to take a coffee break in between and quote Mirza Ghalib. This irritated Aurangzeb no end, as it caused him to miss a crucial Champions League match in which his favourite team was participating.
“Well, I guess it’s pretty clear” said Sambaji. “We have another dwarf in the making”. This statement caused all The Conquerors to rub their hands in glee. Why? Not because they were gay. But because of the fact that they had seen a look of longing in Snow White’s eyes when The Saint was reciting Mirza Ghalib to her. That look which indicated a desire to strangle him till he could Mirza no more.
And the moment when he became the third dwarf wasn’t very far away. In fact it occurred the very next day.
Snow White was just exiting the girl’s hostel when she found The Saint lying in wait for her. “Could I have a word with you in private Show White” asked The Saint. “Not if it’s about Mirza’s” said a horrified Snow White. “While Im sure that these shayari have their finer points, I have failed to quite find out what they are as yet”. “No, no it’s not about that” said The Saint hurriedly. And then he went on to explain his feelings for her.
“Remember the shayari I recited to you during the trek?” asked The Saint. “Not really” said Snow White. “Well, anyways, I composed that keeping you in mind” said The Saint. “We can create a whole new Financial System together. You can be the “drawee” and I will be the “drawer” and I shall keep writing you passionate cheques for all eternity”
Snow White took a moment to digest this overdose of financial terminology. But as seen earlier too, she could be sarcastically witty when she wanted to. So she said “Im sure that you would love to be the “drawer” but since your escrow account has defaulted on your payment, I deeply regret to inform you that your cheque has bounced!!!” saying which she walked away leaving a stunned Dwarf behind.
To be continued………
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any, is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
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