Once upon a time in La La Land, Shivaji, Sambaji and The Buffer sat down to introspect on the life they were leading.They lived in a land of plenty but existed like paupers. They were surrounded by pretty gals all around but had none to hang out with. Was it because they weren't good looking enough? Or smart enough? Or rich enough? Not really. While the aforementioned reasons might have contributed to their current predicament (as there were better looking, smarter and richer guys around), it wasn't the de facto reason. After giving much thought to the matter, helped by generous swigs of fermented potatoes, the truth finally dawned on them.
They just did not have a strategy in place. Even a team with the most prodigious talent in its line up would never be able to win without a terrific strategy. And they considered themselves a team with prodigious talent. Thus was born the Buffering Theory. The theory was extremely simple. Lets say there is a Gal A whom Shivaji/ Sambaji liked and would like to hang out with. The Gal A would have Guy A, B, C and Gal B, C hanging around her. Hence it would be extremely difficult for them to monopolize her attention. This was where the Buffer came in. The Buffer's role was to neutralize these unwanted interruptions thus giving a free hand to the Shivaji's.
They decided to test the theory on a group known as "The B Company".The B Company had in its midst Scary, Baby and Posh (akin to the Spice Girls for the uninitiated).Scary and Sambaji had got along extremely well during their Fresher's party and had ended up dancing way into the night. Sambaji thus had very fond memories of her. Posh and Shivaji too had got along famously during the festive time a few months ago and he hoped to build on it. Baby was added to the mix as part of Shivaji's legendary cluster bombing principle.
The constituents of the B Company as perceived by our conquerors were as follows:
1. Scary: She was a lot of fun to be with. She could be wacky and sarky and was generally very outgoing and into partying the night away. And she had a scary laugh..........the kind which you didn't want to hear in the middle of the night while stumbling along in the darkness.
2. Posh: Posh, as her name suggested, always behaved in a regal fashion to the point of being a little haughty. Somewhat similar to the SOBO's found in Mumbai. You would probably expect her to turn up her nose, put her hands up in the air and utter "Oh so middle class" at any given point in time.
3. Baby: She was the more stable among the three. Rosy cheeks were her claim to fame. Probably modelled for Pears in her spare time. But she had had too may laddoos in her childhood leading to her being a little on the "healthy" side.
4. Mr. Bean: He looked eccentric and behaved even more so. He rose when the world slept and vice versa. He was usually found on campus in a semi nude state and if itches could kill.........he would have dropped dead a long time ago.
5. Techtosterone: Tech was his forte. He could live tech, eat tech and breathe tech. He probably even had an algorithm devised to fart taking the path of least resistance and having the minimum coefficient of friction.
6. Brainy & Drainy: Brainy was your man for anything related to numbers. And Drainy was the king of draining liquid from a glass.
So, the plan was operational. Shivaji and Scary had started getting along well of late and he had even managed to get her to come partying a couple of times on the pretext of searching out new hang out spots. This was causing much heartburn to Sambaji, but he was just keeping quiet for the moment and biding his time. And so, one fine Saturday night, B Company and G Company (G = Guys)had a group date together. Shivaji broke the good news to Sambaji, The Buffer, Aurangzeb, The Consultant and The Knight whereas Scary did likewise to the B Company.
There were mixed reactions on either side. While Sambaji and The Consultant were thrilled ( The Consultant had his own designs while Sambaji was Sambaji), Aurangzeb was happy at the change of scenery and the chance to conquer conquered lands (after they were first conquered of course). The Buffer was resigned to his fate. He would be taking care of Mr. Bean, Techtostereone, Brainy and Drainy all by himself. The Knight was extremely unhappy with the plan. His idea of a fun Saturday night was defined by two words "Cheap Booze". This plan did not exactly coincide with it.
And so set off into the night B Company and G Company. G Company vroomed to the destination on their phat phatis. B Company ofcourse reached there by car. Posh could not make it as she had some prior engagement to keep. The venue was a jazzy place with tents in the open air and candles on the table. And the beverage menu reflected it. B Company sat on one side of the table and G Company on the other. This set the tone for the night. The Knight was sulking on one side of the table as the booze was burning a big hole in his pocket. Brainy, Drainy and Techtosterone were sulking on the other side as they did not like getting buffered. The only people who were really enjoying themselves were Scary, Shivaji and Sambaji.
Scary loved to shock people and started off by ordering a "Screaming Orgasm" much to Shivaji's delight. However, that was among the only few high points of the evening which eventually turned out to be quite disastrous. Imagine two jokes being cracked and one half of the table laughing at the first one and the other half at the second one. Or Techtosterone trying to explain the Theory of Relativity to Sambaji who was more interested in the Theory of Relationships. Or for that matter, The Buffer trying to relate how he got orgasmic on discussing food to Brainy getting a similar feeling on discussing various methods of redemption of debentures. Not to mention cold vibes from aggrieved parties all across. After the painful task of settling the bill, Shivaji suggested that all concerned head off to a disc and party the night away. But much to his dismay this was aggressively vetoed across the table and off went everybody back to their rides.
Unfortunately for the Conquerors, this was the last time they got a chance with either Scary or Posh as both went off the market shortly and they had to start all over again.But while the end result was not quite what they had intended, the theory had worked wonderfully well. It was now only a matter of fine tuning it and finding new lands to conquer.
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
