RR - 028: When Bob got Directly Marketed

This is an incident which happened with Bob when he was working Down South. Bob was staying on rent in an apartment which was situated on Level 3 in an apartment complex.

Now, the three levels were very hierarchial and had three distinctly differing types of inhabitants.

Level 1 had families, Level 2 had those who were beyond the point of making families and Level 3 had those who were yet to make families – and all three stuck strictly to their type.

The Level 1’s had their noisy get-together's with kiddie parties and in-depth discussions of school report cards and the abysmal state in which our current education system found itself floundering in.

The Level 2’s used to have their quiet cuppa’s and discuss their various ailments, how things were not the same as they were in their heydays and how the young generation were spoilt silly (read Level 3)

The Level 3’s considered themselves as the cool dudes and dudettes. There were Thomson and Thompson (one could not stop talking while the other had “starting problem”) and Mary Kom (a left jab, a right hook followed by the Vushi finger hold if you got on the wrong side of her) and then of course there was Bob.

They used to hang out and smoke up and drink to their heart’s content and in general create quite a nuisance for the rest of the Level’s. The Level 1’s and the Level 2’s did their best to disrupt the Level 3 parties and figuratively “knock them off their f****n perch” through frequent complaints and guidance but found that it did not seem to have much effect much to their utter dismay.

And so, everything was good and they were all living happily and making hay while the sun shone and so on and so forth till one day there was a cross connection involving Bob (of-course)

Now, due to the nature of his work, Bob used to frequently travel all over South India and hence did not spend as much time as the other Levelers in the apartment complex. Hence, he was not very involved in the revelries frequented by the other Level 3’s and as such even more insulated from the other Level’s.

Therefore, he was very surprised one day when he picked up a call from an unknown number (taking calls from unknown numbers and investing in alcobev stocks were two things that Bob strongly believed against but hey you get to make a mistake occasionally). It was one of the ladies from the aforementioned Level 1’s who shall hereafter be called Rekha and the conversation went something like this.   

Rekha: Hi, is this Bob?

Bob: Yes, and this is?

Rekha: This is Rekha?

Bob: The actress (disbelievingly)

Rekha: No, you chump, Rekha from Level 1

Bob: Ummm Hi Rekha (knew that was too good to be true)

Rekha: How are you?

Bob: Im doing good Madam (wondering what she was calling to complain about)

Rekha: I was just calling as I wanted to get to know everyone in our complex better

Bob: Oh, how nice (only been a couple of years Ive been here now !!!)

Rekha: So, what do you do?

Bob: I work in La La Spirits

Rekha: Lovely, that must be quite a supernatural experience then?

Bob: Excuse me???

Rekha: You know, spirits and the afterlife and all that stuff

Bob: Madam, we are into alcoholic spirits strictly for the living

Rekha: Oh, well I’m sure that’s quite interesting too!!!

And so, Bob fielded a lot of mundane questions including how long have you been with them, where are you from, do you travel a lot, etc etc.  And just as Bob was wondering where this was leading to, she cut right to the point:

Rekha: BTW, I heard that your bathroom was clogged the other day and you were facing unclogging issues

Bob: Oh Yes, I did (wondering if she was insinuating something here)

Rekha: You should use this brilliant unclogging powder available at the neighboring Chemist

Bob: I will definitely use it Madam

Rekha: Okay then, cheerio, nice speaking to you, ta ta

Bob: Bye bye (completely befuddled)

After a couple of weeks, Rekha called again (Bob being smart had saved her number the last time around)

Rekha: Hi Bob, how are you

Bob: Hi Madam

Rekha: Are you at home? I saw your car parked in the parking lot

Bob: No Madam (thankfully), Im in Biryani Land

Rekha: Oh, I see

Bob: Anything in particular you wanted to discuss Madam (maybe this is what a mid life crisis feels like)

Rekha: I had a business proposition for you

Bob: tell me (phew, so this was what its about)     

Rekha: Would you like to make a lot of money by investing just a little bit upfront

Bob: I wouldn’t mind hearing about it (sounds like a scam)

Rekha: Why don’t we meet at the CCD on La La road this weekend then? I will call my business associates too.

Bob: Sure Madam, see you this weekend.

Now, Bob always liked to pit his wits against others and see if he could come out on top. And hence he was looking forward quite eagerly to the meeting over the weekend. And so, at the appointed hour, Bob stepped into the CCD and saw Rekha with her associate whom she introduced as Katappa. Now, Katappa, as the name suggests was tall and hefty with a clean-shaven head and luxurious facial hair.   He began by using all possible kinds of complex jargon's, moved on to even more complicated mathematical derivations and finally gave Bob the clincher…………………. how he could become a millionaire by enrolling, it was going to be a cinch!!!

But, a decade in the corporate world had if nothing else made Bob a habitual cynic. Hence, he was not at all convinced and concluded the meeting by saying he was not interested but would however give it some more thought.

Rekha told him that they needed his decision withing 48 hours and that they would meet up again for the concluding meeting. While Bob was quite clear that he was not interested in this direct marketing gimmick, he however did not want to piss her off (with him being a Level 3 and her being a Level 1 and all that) and hence decided to go for the meeting. This time it was in a different coffee shop and had Rekha, Katappa and Elvis along whom she introduced as Katappa’s Boss.

Elvis: Hey Bro, how’s it going?

Bob: All good here (Bro???)

Elvis: I just love Bangalore even though Im from Coorg

Bob: That’s interesting, lots of Coorgi’s around

Elvis: Eh, how so

Bob: Well, your from Coorg, Katappa said he’s from Coorg the last time around, I gather even Rekha is from Coorg, hell even my landlady is from Coorg!!!

Elvis (a little uncomfortably): Oh, I see, quite a coincidence, but anyways this is a great opportunity for you to make a killing, this is a sure shot thing. I hired Katappa a couple of years back and he’s now a millionaire.

Bob: But Katappa said that he’s been with you guys for a year?

Elvis: Eh? Umm Im sure Katappa is mistaken, time really flies in this line of work you know (glaring at Katappa). So, would you like to reconsider your position?

Before Bob could reply, a waiter appeared at the table with a chocolate truffle pastry and a large dollop of ice cream. Elvis said that they hadn’t ordered it and asked him to take it back. But the waiter said that this was sent for Bob by Mr. Walrus.

A little background: Walrus was a vendor who worked with Bob. While entering the coffee shop, Bob bumped into him at the takeaway counter and after some idle chitchat understood that Walrus was a regular here as he loved their stuff and knew the owner as well. And hence, as soon as the pastry landed up on their table, Bob realized that this would have been sent across by Walrus as a nice gesture. However, using his inherent cunning and shrewdness, Bob immediately used it to his advantage as follows:

Bob: Actually, this pastry has been sent by the owner of this coffee shop

Elvis What??? (incredulously)

Bob: Yes, I love their stuff and know the owner as well and so I guess he sent a token of his appreciation (lol to himself)

The meeting ended within 60 seconds after that. Elvis concluding that Bob was a big shot if he knew the owner of a random coffee shop they had called to con him and decided to try for pastures anew. Katappa too took leave saying he had another meeting. Rekha said that she needed to look after her kids and buggered off.

So, Bob enjoyed his pastry and the ice-cream at peace, laughed quietly to himself and then headed off for adventures afresh!!!

Note:


1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any, is purely coincidental.

2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.