The first month of Term 1 went off quite smoothly. Aurangzeb, Sambaji & Ladykiller were last in Economics after the first round of quizzes. Shivaji who was rooming with The Knight (but not hanging out with them just yet) had become insomniacal due to the rythmic battlecries that the Knight emitted all through the night.Aurangzeb was getting used to listening to high decibel (read jarring) Punjabi Pop blasting till 3 am courtesy The Consultant and hordes of chicks hanging out with Ladykiller at all points of time. The seniors after having ragged them to glory initially had now become good pals.
All in all it was good fun.
And then Shivaji started hanging out with the Conquerors!!!
To understand how this happened one needs to flashback to the time before they joined LLM. The Seniors were doing their summers and eager to help out their as yet to join junior batch. The juniors were extremely eager to know intricate details which would help define their future at the college (dress codes, hostel food, vehicle parking, eating out places, beach parties...............in short everything apart from the course). So a group was created for these extremely important queries and everything was hunky dory with the same queries being repeated over and over again and ditto with the answers till one day Sarcozy entered the fray.
Now Sarcozy at that point of time was a complete mystery. Initially nobody even knew who he was - junior/ senior/ hacker maybe?. He was in fact a senior who was very good at writing extremely sarcastic emails and really loved to make fun of many of the silly queries which most juniors tended to ask.
And it all began like this. A chick had a query (yes everything starts with chicks !!!)about the same extremely important stuff mentioned about earlier. Since this was like the hundreth query on the same topic, there came a very sarcastic riposte from Sarcozy. Seeing a battle brewing up, Shivaji and Sambaji saw the chance to score some brownie points with the chick by defending her......... err virtual honour.
Over the next few days, there began a series of battles with the two trading insults with Sarcozy who gve back with equal gusto. Interestingly the lady whose honour was being defended was virtually nowhere to be seen during this interval. To cut a long story short it concluded by Shivaji and Sambaji asking Sarcozy to "get a life !" and Sarcozy in turn calling them a gay couple. Even more interestingly, post the mayhem,which went on for a couple of weeks, the chick re-appeared and posted that she had loved Sarcozy's sarcasm and would love to meet up with him, thus leaving both Shivaji and Sambaji red faced and nowhere to hide.
This resulted in not only some added spice in the ragging sessions which happened when they joined campus but also some bonding between them thus resulting in Shivaji eventually hanging out with them. Now Shivaji's addition to the group brought out a latent dimension in the group. While on the surface they all joked about his cluster bombing theories and his sink before you swim attitude, they all secretly admired him. And so it was that these six guys hung out a lot together. Most nights they would be found at their regular watering hole called Angels. They never quite figured out why they hung out so much there..............maybe it was the cheap booze, or the strictly ok food or the proximity to campus.
So the only person left to join the band was The Buffer. And they bumped into him a month down the line, or he literally bumped himself into them.
It was a week night. There wernt any particular assignments to do, and they were all still recovering from their previous night's binge. A good night thought Aurangzeb to sleep a little early (early was 12 am)and get some much needed shuteye. But just as he was straightening out the blankets, in walked Sambaji and The Buffer. Sambaji and The Buffer had discovered that they were acquainted and Sambaji wanted to share his sorrow with the rest. So in came The Buffer, introduced himself and promptly plonked himself on the floor...............for the next three hours. After half an hour of polite conversation, Aurangzeb started giving tiny yawns hoping The Buffer would take the hint. He did not. After another half hour of not so polite conversation, Aurangzeb gave bigger yawns accompanied by sound bytes. The Buffer still did not notice. After another half an hour, Aurangzeb tunneled under the sheets and pretended to be asleep hoping The Buffer would atleast now go away. But he still did not. Though they did not know it then, this was the moment when The Buffer actually became The Buffer designate. If he could just walk into a room and have a monologue with three almost complete strangers who were trying their best to escape, then he could well buffer anybody else on campus.
But by the end of term 1, they had all gelled together quite well and thus started The Buffering Theory.
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
20 Mar 2011
RR-013: Buffering Theories - Prologue (Part 1)
How it all began:
Circa 2005. Aurangzeb was eagerly awaiting the results of his final MBA entrance exam. This was his last opportunity to do a PGDBM this year, else he would have to continue at his low paying, blade manufacturing organisation for another year. Fortunately, when the results came in, he had managed to get through by the skin of his teeth. Thus he quit his job, packed his bag and got ready to do his MBA in La La Land.
The Knight had been busy trying to make his Architectural career earn him a living. But it was not much fun designing footwalks and promenades and not getting paid for them. So he started thinking along the lines of a PG somewhere in between fighting for his cheques. And thought became action when he saw his confirmation letter in the mail one day.
The Buffer had done his engineering from a college which sounded more like a Baba Ramdev/ Art of Living Institute.They taught revolutionary things about automobiles there. Like torque being directly proportional to speed and thus a Rolls Royce having to start in the 4th gear. So what better way to practise what they preached than doing a Masters in La La Land thought the Buffer. And thus one more joined the growing group.
The Consultant had worked with the best from…………….the consulting field ofcourse. But he had one burning ambition in life: get houses, cars, money (and lots of it) and a perch at the top of the corporate ladder before he was thirty. And the ladder began with a PG.
Ladykiller had worked at a BPO after his graduation. As a result of which he had become an insomniac, developed a slight accent and also got girls drooling all over him. But he had now reached a stage where it was time for him to get rid of the first two and ofcourse enhance the third.
Sambaji came from the Shipping Industry. He knew the ins and outs of the industry as well as the people working there right from the highly CEO’s to the lowly secretaries. But somehere he felt something was missing. He wanted to go from a big ship in a small pond to a slightly smaller ship in a larger pond. And so he too found himself enrolling for the course in La La land.
And finally there was Shivaji. He had worked for a year on the shopfloor putting his engineering skills to great use. But there was one tiny little problem. The shopfloor did not have any members of the opposite sex working there. So to broaden his horizons, both figuratively and literally he too joined up.
So, in the June of 2005, there were these aforementioned characters who landed up at the La La Land of Management (referred to hereon as LLM)
It was a Sunday when Aurangzeb arrived on campus with a few other people he had met on the train. He had met Ladykiller too on the train but was mildly put off by his American accent and North Indian style. However, fate had something else in mind. By the time the group arrived on campus, there were only two good rooms available in the hostel and by the time Aurangzeb could inspect and select, there was only the one left with the three guys he knew on the train having taken the other one.
So with a sigh he took the ground floor room and prayed for a couple of decent roommates.And it was not 15 minutes before the first one arrived. And who was it but Ladykiller himself. Having trawled through the hostel and coming to the same realization as Aurangzeb had a few moments earlier, he dumped his bags on the bed opposite to Aurangzeb’s and immediately lit up a cigarette. Both started unpacking their stuff and over the next couple of hours were almost done when The Consultant walked in with his disapproving father. Why disapproving?................because there were plenty of cigarette buts strewn on the floor courtesy Ladykiller.
But fortunately for all concerned, his father kept his disapproval to himself and so formed the first part of the Conquerors.
The next morning, they attended their first classes of the term and herein had a problem in the very first task assigned to them. They had to form a five member group for doing their project work. Now anybody who has done a PG would attest to the importance of Project Members. Typically you come across the following types of co-members:
a. The Free Rider: He/She would be least interested in the happenings around them and all they looked forward to was getting a degree with minimum input and maximum output.
b. The Brain: This species was the brain of the group as the name suggested. They would be the driving force of the group, leading and co-ordinating everything.
c. The Hardworker: All the donkey work right from collecting data, making notes in class, taking printouts and submitting assignments on time would come in their purview.
d. The Espionage Agent: His/Her KRA was simple. Find out what the other groups were upto and bring back inputs which would be crucial in ensuring that their group was not at the bottom of the pile. Any means used to gather this information was considered fair, including doing cosy dinners, emotional atyaachaar and flaunting of assets (if any).
e. The Formatter: Last but definitely not the least. Their role was crucial as presentations were key in an MBA. Absolute rubbish presented in the most technologically advanced and sophisticated manner accompanied by large doses of gyaan usually won the day. The duty of the Formatter started after the group had finalized its presentation matter. He/ She would then make such drastic changes to the slides that the rest of the members would also be shocked (pleasantly ofcourse) when it was presented the next day.
While Aurangzeb, Ladykiller and The Consultant had not as yet come to these definitive conclusions about their roles, they recognized that they needed two more individuals to fulfill the criteria of five members. And they bumped into them the very next day at the college canteen. The Knight and Sambaji were loitering around outside the canteen looking for three additional members to complete their own group. And it went somewhat like this:
“Hey you” said The Knight
“Hey you yourself” said Ladykiller
“We were looking for some members for our group” said The Knight
“Us too” said The Consultant
“We would rather have three chicks, but since they all got booked ages ago, how about you joining us?” said Sambaji
“Oh we love speaking in falsettos” said Aurangzeb who was slightly miffed with this sexist statement
“Done” said Ladykiller quickly before things escalated any further.
And off they went to grab a beer.
So this was how the first part of the Conquerors met up and would go on to form "The Buffering Theory" after they met up with Shivaji, The Buffer and the rest of them.
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
Circa 2005. Aurangzeb was eagerly awaiting the results of his final MBA entrance exam. This was his last opportunity to do a PGDBM this year, else he would have to continue at his low paying, blade manufacturing organisation for another year. Fortunately, when the results came in, he had managed to get through by the skin of his teeth. Thus he quit his job, packed his bag and got ready to do his MBA in La La Land.
The Knight had been busy trying to make his Architectural career earn him a living. But it was not much fun designing footwalks and promenades and not getting paid for them. So he started thinking along the lines of a PG somewhere in between fighting for his cheques. And thought became action when he saw his confirmation letter in the mail one day.
The Buffer had done his engineering from a college which sounded more like a Baba Ramdev/ Art of Living Institute.They taught revolutionary things about automobiles there. Like torque being directly proportional to speed and thus a Rolls Royce having to start in the 4th gear. So what better way to practise what they preached than doing a Masters in La La Land thought the Buffer. And thus one more joined the growing group.
The Consultant had worked with the best from…………….the consulting field ofcourse. But he had one burning ambition in life: get houses, cars, money (and lots of it) and a perch at the top of the corporate ladder before he was thirty. And the ladder began with a PG.
Ladykiller had worked at a BPO after his graduation. As a result of which he had become an insomniac, developed a slight accent and also got girls drooling all over him. But he had now reached a stage where it was time for him to get rid of the first two and ofcourse enhance the third.
Sambaji came from the Shipping Industry. He knew the ins and outs of the industry as well as the people working there right from the highly CEO’s to the lowly secretaries. But somehere he felt something was missing. He wanted to go from a big ship in a small pond to a slightly smaller ship in a larger pond. And so he too found himself enrolling for the course in La La land.
And finally there was Shivaji. He had worked for a year on the shopfloor putting his engineering skills to great use. But there was one tiny little problem. The shopfloor did not have any members of the opposite sex working there. So to broaden his horizons, both figuratively and literally he too joined up.
So, in the June of 2005, there were these aforementioned characters who landed up at the La La Land of Management (referred to hereon as LLM)
It was a Sunday when Aurangzeb arrived on campus with a few other people he had met on the train. He had met Ladykiller too on the train but was mildly put off by his American accent and North Indian style. However, fate had something else in mind. By the time the group arrived on campus, there were only two good rooms available in the hostel and by the time Aurangzeb could inspect and select, there was only the one left with the three guys he knew on the train having taken the other one.
So with a sigh he took the ground floor room and prayed for a couple of decent roommates.And it was not 15 minutes before the first one arrived. And who was it but Ladykiller himself. Having trawled through the hostel and coming to the same realization as Aurangzeb had a few moments earlier, he dumped his bags on the bed opposite to Aurangzeb’s and immediately lit up a cigarette. Both started unpacking their stuff and over the next couple of hours were almost done when The Consultant walked in with his disapproving father. Why disapproving?................because there were plenty of cigarette buts strewn on the floor courtesy Ladykiller.
But fortunately for all concerned, his father kept his disapproval to himself and so formed the first part of the Conquerors.
The next morning, they attended their first classes of the term and herein had a problem in the very first task assigned to them. They had to form a five member group for doing their project work. Now anybody who has done a PG would attest to the importance of Project Members. Typically you come across the following types of co-members:
a. The Free Rider: He/She would be least interested in the happenings around them and all they looked forward to was getting a degree with minimum input and maximum output.
b. The Brain: This species was the brain of the group as the name suggested. They would be the driving force of the group, leading and co-ordinating everything.
c. The Hardworker: All the donkey work right from collecting data, making notes in class, taking printouts and submitting assignments on time would come in their purview.
d. The Espionage Agent: His/Her KRA was simple. Find out what the other groups were upto and bring back inputs which would be crucial in ensuring that their group was not at the bottom of the pile. Any means used to gather this information was considered fair, including doing cosy dinners, emotional atyaachaar and flaunting of assets (if any).
e. The Formatter: Last but definitely not the least. Their role was crucial as presentations were key in an MBA. Absolute rubbish presented in the most technologically advanced and sophisticated manner accompanied by large doses of gyaan usually won the day. The duty of the Formatter started after the group had finalized its presentation matter. He/ She would then make such drastic changes to the slides that the rest of the members would also be shocked (pleasantly ofcourse) when it was presented the next day.
While Aurangzeb, Ladykiller and The Consultant had not as yet come to these definitive conclusions about their roles, they recognized that they needed two more individuals to fulfill the criteria of five members. And they bumped into them the very next day at the college canteen. The Knight and Sambaji were loitering around outside the canteen looking for three additional members to complete their own group. And it went somewhat like this:
“Hey you” said The Knight
“Hey you yourself” said Ladykiller
“We were looking for some members for our group” said The Knight
“Us too” said The Consultant
“We would rather have three chicks, but since they all got booked ages ago, how about you joining us?” said Sambaji
“Oh we love speaking in falsettos” said Aurangzeb who was slightly miffed with this sexist statement
“Done” said Ladykiller quickly before things escalated any further.
And off they went to grab a beer.
So this was how the first part of the Conquerors met up and would go on to form "The Buffering Theory" after they met up with Shivaji, The Buffer and the rest of them.
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
19 Feb 2011
RR-012: Of Hot Potatoes and Doomed Capers - Part II
He roamed through the ground floor of the boys hostel but it was devoid of the fairer sex. He then climbed up to the first floor and voila...........struck gold!!!
There were two damsels there, waiting in the corridor as if God had sent them there to be invited to go clubbing with Shivaji.He approached them with a nonchalent swagger and asked if they would be interested in going out clubbing and they ofcourse said.............. yes!!!
So down the stairs ran Shivaji in double quick time to inform his companions of their upturn in fortunes. However, by then two things had happened. Aurangzeb, not seeing much scope for conquering conquered territories had retired for the night. And The Buffer had managed to invite Mel B along on the insistence of Gengis Khan. For those not in the know Gengis and Mel were dating at that point of time.
Now Mel was quite a fun girl to be with. She was always ready to go out and have a good time and clubbing ofcourse was second nature to her. However, she tended to be a little aggressive and dominating at times but that probably was needed to keep Gengis's roving eye in check. But this is where the Buffer showed his forward thinking and shrewed brain. He had not called Mel only because of her pleasing personality and fun loving nature. Her ownership of an automobile had been a deciding factor.
So after a lengthy interval in which the damsels were getting ready, Sambaji finally spotted Dumb Blonde 1, Dumb Blonde 2 (hereafter referred to as DB1 and DB 2) and surprisingly Masakali making their way towards them. Mel had already joined them a few moments ago and the party was now ready to rock (a few nice ones on the rocks while waiting for the better half tend to make the atmosphere all merry and cheery).
Gengis surprisingly was nowhere to be seen. Assuming he had tired of the whole scenario, the group moved towards transportation. The Buffer of course joined the ladies in the car, whereas Shivaji and Sambaji followed them on their two wheeler. The Buffer started making introductions in the car.(you wouldnt expect the Mel's, DB's and Masakali's of the world to hang out together now would you?)
And just as he finished the introductions Masakali had a FITM (foot in the mouth) moment " First they had called Hot Potato and myself to party, but since she left after a fight, you are now the able replacements". The DB's gave big smiles, probably taking this as a big compliment. However, Mel gave a dirty look to The Buffer who now wished he had joined Shivaji and Sambaji on the bike.
They soon reached the disk and Mel hit the dance floor with The Buffer and Sambaji and left Shivaji trying to think of some smart one liners to get the remaining three on the dance floor. But he was in for a rude surprise. When he invited them to the dance floor, all three said in unison "We dont dance". When he asked them bout their choice of drink, all three again said in unison "We dont drink". To cut a long story short, they spent the entire evening, standing with folded arms and quite ruined Shivaji's evening. The Buffer, quite forgetting his duties boogie woogied in his own patented style whereas Sambaji rocked the dance floor as always.
It was early morning by the time the group returned back to campus (both the dancing and non dancing members) This was when all hell broke loose when Mel found Gengis with Femme Fatale. His unexplained absence earlier in the evening was thus discovered.
This was when seeing an opportune moment, Shivaji, Sambaji and The Buffer made themselves scarce not wanting to get into domestic disputes. And keeping in mind the adage "Form is temporary, Class is permanent." they started planning on Buffering their next target..................Femme Fatale.
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
There were two damsels there, waiting in the corridor as if God had sent them there to be invited to go clubbing with Shivaji.He approached them with a nonchalent swagger and asked if they would be interested in going out clubbing and they ofcourse said.............. yes!!!
So down the stairs ran Shivaji in double quick time to inform his companions of their upturn in fortunes. However, by then two things had happened. Aurangzeb, not seeing much scope for conquering conquered territories had retired for the night. And The Buffer had managed to invite Mel B along on the insistence of Gengis Khan. For those not in the know Gengis and Mel were dating at that point of time.
Now Mel was quite a fun girl to be with. She was always ready to go out and have a good time and clubbing ofcourse was second nature to her. However, she tended to be a little aggressive and dominating at times but that probably was needed to keep Gengis's roving eye in check. But this is where the Buffer showed his forward thinking and shrewed brain. He had not called Mel only because of her pleasing personality and fun loving nature. Her ownership of an automobile had been a deciding factor.
So after a lengthy interval in which the damsels were getting ready, Sambaji finally spotted Dumb Blonde 1, Dumb Blonde 2 (hereafter referred to as DB1 and DB 2) and surprisingly Masakali making their way towards them. Mel had already joined them a few moments ago and the party was now ready to rock (a few nice ones on the rocks while waiting for the better half tend to make the atmosphere all merry and cheery).
Gengis surprisingly was nowhere to be seen. Assuming he had tired of the whole scenario, the group moved towards transportation. The Buffer of course joined the ladies in the car, whereas Shivaji and Sambaji followed them on their two wheeler. The Buffer started making introductions in the car.(you wouldnt expect the Mel's, DB's and Masakali's of the world to hang out together now would you?)
And just as he finished the introductions Masakali had a FITM (foot in the mouth) moment " First they had called Hot Potato and myself to party, but since she left after a fight, you are now the able replacements". The DB's gave big smiles, probably taking this as a big compliment. However, Mel gave a dirty look to The Buffer who now wished he had joined Shivaji and Sambaji on the bike.
They soon reached the disk and Mel hit the dance floor with The Buffer and Sambaji and left Shivaji trying to think of some smart one liners to get the remaining three on the dance floor. But he was in for a rude surprise. When he invited them to the dance floor, all three said in unison "We dont dance". When he asked them bout their choice of drink, all three again said in unison "We dont drink". To cut a long story short, they spent the entire evening, standing with folded arms and quite ruined Shivaji's evening. The Buffer, quite forgetting his duties boogie woogied in his own patented style whereas Sambaji rocked the dance floor as always.
It was early morning by the time the group returned back to campus (both the dancing and non dancing members) This was when all hell broke loose when Mel found Gengis with Femme Fatale. His unexplained absence earlier in the evening was thus discovered.
This was when seeing an opportune moment, Shivaji, Sambaji and The Buffer made themselves scarce not wanting to get into domestic disputes. And keeping in mind the adage "Form is temporary, Class is permanent." they started planning on Buffering their next target..................Femme Fatale.
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
13 Feb 2011
RR-011: Of Hot Potatoes and Doomed Capers !!!
After "Mission B" the conquerors had been on the lookout for similar opportunities to test and succesfully execute their "Buffering Theory".An opportunity presented itself one fine Saturday Night.
There was a roadside pub just by the river which was a very popular watering hole for all and sundry. This particular Saturday Night Shivaji, Sambaji, Aurangzeb and The Buffer were all gathered there. Shivaji was sharing the exhilarating news of new lands being sighted. He wasnt very far from impersonating the weary Sailor who after being away at sea for long months, excitedly shouts "Land Ahoy" on spotting friendly shores.
So Shivaji started sharing(and everybody was all ears) on how he had made plans to go clubbing with two Gals later in the night. There were mixed reactions from the audience on knowing the identities of the company they were going to be in which can probably be guessed from the descriptions below:
The Initial Company:
1. Hot Potato: When a Hot Potato falls into the hands of A, he flips it into the air to prevent it from burning his palms, at which point of time it is caught by B who in turn has to do the same thing all over again.
2. Masakali: Accented english was her claim to fame and her gait would have put Gisele Bundchen to shame.
3. Gengis Khan: He was similar in zest if not deed to the legendary Mongolian Warrior.
And just as Shivaji finished narrating the plan they could watch Gengis and the damsels approaching them from different directions. So they said "cheers" to one another and emptied their respective glasses.
Introductions were made and refills ordered all around. But before the party mood could be built up, a sudden friction cropped up with Hot Potato and Masakali on the one side and Shivaji, Sambaji and Gengis on the other. It originated from Hot Potato's roots (no pun intended) and quickly escalated into a slanging match resulting in the two damsels upping and leaving.
This was a most unfortunate and unexpected twist in the evening's proceedings. Now what were the conquerors to do? Shivaji was determined to go clubbing no matter what the cost. If the Hot Potatoe's and Masakali's of the world thought they could prevent him from executing Buffering Theories, they were highly mistaken.
So off he went around the campus in search of new dancing partners.
to be continued....
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
There was a roadside pub just by the river which was a very popular watering hole for all and sundry. This particular Saturday Night Shivaji, Sambaji, Aurangzeb and The Buffer were all gathered there. Shivaji was sharing the exhilarating news of new lands being sighted. He wasnt very far from impersonating the weary Sailor who after being away at sea for long months, excitedly shouts "Land Ahoy" on spotting friendly shores.
So Shivaji started sharing(and everybody was all ears) on how he had made plans to go clubbing with two Gals later in the night. There were mixed reactions from the audience on knowing the identities of the company they were going to be in which can probably be guessed from the descriptions below:
The Initial Company:
1. Hot Potato: When a Hot Potato falls into the hands of A, he flips it into the air to prevent it from burning his palms, at which point of time it is caught by B who in turn has to do the same thing all over again.
2. Masakali: Accented english was her claim to fame and her gait would have put Gisele Bundchen to shame.
3. Gengis Khan: He was similar in zest if not deed to the legendary Mongolian Warrior.
And just as Shivaji finished narrating the plan they could watch Gengis and the damsels approaching them from different directions. So they said "cheers" to one another and emptied their respective glasses.
Introductions were made and refills ordered all around. But before the party mood could be built up, a sudden friction cropped up with Hot Potato and Masakali on the one side and Shivaji, Sambaji and Gengis on the other. It originated from Hot Potato's roots (no pun intended) and quickly escalated into a slanging match resulting in the two damsels upping and leaving.
This was a most unfortunate and unexpected twist in the evening's proceedings. Now what were the conquerors to do? Shivaji was determined to go clubbing no matter what the cost. If the Hot Potatoe's and Masakali's of the world thought they could prevent him from executing Buffering Theories, they were highly mistaken.
So off he went around the campus in search of new dancing partners.
to be continued....
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
16 Sept 2010
RR-010: Buffering Theories: Punjab da Sher
It was a Saturday night. Shivaji and Sambaji were absconding. The Buffer was waving the flag. That left only The Knight and Aurangzeb to party away the night. It was like having a football team whose strikers are out injured and have been replaced by two holding midfielders. The creativity and flair of the conquerors had gone missing.
So off went the two to the bar across the road. They had planned to sit by the river and and drown their bachelorhood sorrows in a coupla pints. But once they reached there, they were invited by a group of acquaintances to join them……… and so they did.
The table had the following members in attendance:
1. The Knight: he who needs no introduction
2. Aurangzeb: he too who needs no introduction
3. Turbanator: He needed no helmet on a bike. And was the quintessential Loins of Punjab.
4. Universal Soldier: He was six and a half feet in height. With bulging muscles and a compulsive disorder to stir up trouble.
5. IWPAF (I wanna pick a fight): The name suggests it all.
6. Psycho: He was on a permanent high. On alcohol or many a time something harder.
A bottle of Old Monk Rum was opened on the table and its contents partaken in generous doses. As the bottle rapidly emptied, Universal Soldier came up with the bright idea of going out someplace to sample some roadside delicacies.
And so off they went, the merry band of 6 vrooming away on four two wheelers. The order was as follows: Turbanator riding a Bullet with Universal Soldier as pillion, IWPAF riding a Pulsar with Psycho as pillion, The Knight on his Unicorn and Aurangzeb on his more modest Splendor.
Now, the roads in La La Land are narrow, twisting and turning. There was one such particular turn which was S shaped in nature. Not the ideal track to go motorbike racing at midnight. But Old Monk tends to make you kinda forget that. So round the first bend went Turbanator at 100 kmph riding wheel to wheel with IWPAF. At the first curve, Turbanator had his front wheel marginally ahead while on the second, it was IWPAF with the lead. As they reached the third curve, however, Turbanator in his zest to race ahead, pulled on the accelerator with great gusto and forgot to apply the brakes to take care of Newtons Second Law of Motion……….Inertia. There was a wide ditch beside the road into which dived the Bullet (quite gracefully if you think about it) and Turbanator (not quite as gracefully if you think some more about it) with it.
Now this Turbanator was not quite the stereotype as portrayed in most stories. He reacted instinctively and instead of trying to jump away from the bike or resist the downward plunge of the two wheeler, he dived into the ditch with it resulting in him having a couple of grazed knees at the worst. Universal Soldier, however, was not so lucky. He was flung off the bike with quite a good amount of force and did a couple of tumbling somersaults across the adjoining lawn. And to be frank, when Universal Soldiers get Black Eyes and roughed up faces their resemblance to Jean Claude Van Damme dims even further.
He was stunned to say the least. This was just not part of the script. The other four members of the now defunct bike race quickly dismounted from their rides to help out their fallen buddies. While The Knight and Aurangzeb tended to Universal Soldier, IWPAF and Psycho were more interested in hauling up the bike. Now, just as soon as the bike and Universal Soldier were both brought back to their right side up, Turbanator started hitting the rear seat vigorously and shouted “Tu Punjab ka Sher hai………..aa baith jaa peeche”. Universal Soldier was dumbstruck. Forget about checking on his well being. Forget about checking the bike. Forget about apologizing about the accident. Here was this guy encouraging him to get back on the bike and ride pillion in double quick time. Truly Surd stuff.
Much to The Knight and Aurangzeb’s surprise, he did get back on the bike and the four of them again zoomed away into the night. Our comrades however did not join them. Another Lion that night might have been too much to handle.
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
So off went the two to the bar across the road. They had planned to sit by the river and and drown their bachelorhood sorrows in a coupla pints. But once they reached there, they were invited by a group of acquaintances to join them……… and so they did.
The table had the following members in attendance:
1. The Knight: he who needs no introduction
2. Aurangzeb: he too who needs no introduction
3. Turbanator: He needed no helmet on a bike. And was the quintessential Loins of Punjab.
4. Universal Soldier: He was six and a half feet in height. With bulging muscles and a compulsive disorder to stir up trouble.
5. IWPAF (I wanna pick a fight): The name suggests it all.
6. Psycho: He was on a permanent high. On alcohol or many a time something harder.
A bottle of Old Monk Rum was opened on the table and its contents partaken in generous doses. As the bottle rapidly emptied, Universal Soldier came up with the bright idea of going out someplace to sample some roadside delicacies.
And so off they went, the merry band of 6 vrooming away on four two wheelers. The order was as follows: Turbanator riding a Bullet with Universal Soldier as pillion, IWPAF riding a Pulsar with Psycho as pillion, The Knight on his Unicorn and Aurangzeb on his more modest Splendor.
Now, the roads in La La Land are narrow, twisting and turning. There was one such particular turn which was S shaped in nature. Not the ideal track to go motorbike racing at midnight. But Old Monk tends to make you kinda forget that. So round the first bend went Turbanator at 100 kmph riding wheel to wheel with IWPAF. At the first curve, Turbanator had his front wheel marginally ahead while on the second, it was IWPAF with the lead. As they reached the third curve, however, Turbanator in his zest to race ahead, pulled on the accelerator with great gusto and forgot to apply the brakes to take care of Newtons Second Law of Motion……….Inertia. There was a wide ditch beside the road into which dived the Bullet (quite gracefully if you think about it) and Turbanator (not quite as gracefully if you think some more about it) with it.
Now this Turbanator was not quite the stereotype as portrayed in most stories. He reacted instinctively and instead of trying to jump away from the bike or resist the downward plunge of the two wheeler, he dived into the ditch with it resulting in him having a couple of grazed knees at the worst. Universal Soldier, however, was not so lucky. He was flung off the bike with quite a good amount of force and did a couple of tumbling somersaults across the adjoining lawn. And to be frank, when Universal Soldiers get Black Eyes and roughed up faces their resemblance to Jean Claude Van Damme dims even further.
He was stunned to say the least. This was just not part of the script. The other four members of the now defunct bike race quickly dismounted from their rides to help out their fallen buddies. While The Knight and Aurangzeb tended to Universal Soldier, IWPAF and Psycho were more interested in hauling up the bike. Now, just as soon as the bike and Universal Soldier were both brought back to their right side up, Turbanator started hitting the rear seat vigorously and shouted “Tu Punjab ka Sher hai………..aa baith jaa peeche”. Universal Soldier was dumbstruck. Forget about checking on his well being. Forget about checking the bike. Forget about apologizing about the accident. Here was this guy encouraging him to get back on the bike and ride pillion in double quick time. Truly Surd stuff.
Much to The Knight and Aurangzeb’s surprise, he did get back on the bike and the four of them again zoomed away into the night. Our comrades however did not join them. Another Lion that night might have been too much to handle.
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
16 May 2010
RR-009: Buffering Theories - Mission B
Once upon a time in La La Land, Shivaji, Sambaji and The Buffer sat down to introspect on the life they were leading.They lived in a land of plenty but existed like paupers. They were surrounded by pretty gals all around but had none to hang out with. Was it because they weren't good looking enough? Or smart enough? Or rich enough? Not really. While the aforementioned reasons might have contributed to their current predicament (as there were better looking, smarter and richer guys around), it wasn't the de facto reason. After giving much thought to the matter, helped by generous swigs of fermented potatoes, the truth finally dawned on them.
They just did not have a strategy in place. Even a team with the most prodigious talent in its line up would never be able to win without a terrific strategy. And they considered themselves a team with prodigious talent. Thus was born the Buffering Theory. The theory was extremely simple. Lets say there is a Gal A whom Shivaji/ Sambaji liked and would like to hang out with. The Gal A would have Guy A, B, C and Gal B, C hanging around her. Hence it would be extremely difficult for them to monopolize her attention. This was where the Buffer came in. The Buffer's role was to neutralize these unwanted interruptions thus giving a free hand to the Shivaji's.
They decided to test the theory on a group known as "The B Company".The B Company had in its midst Scary, Baby and Posh (akin to the Spice Girls for the uninitiated).Scary and Sambaji had got along extremely well during their Fresher's party and had ended up dancing way into the night. Sambaji thus had very fond memories of her. Posh and Shivaji too had got along famously during the festive time a few months ago and he hoped to build on it. Baby was added to the mix as part of Shivaji's legendary cluster bombing principle.
The constituents of the B Company as perceived by our conquerors were as follows:
1. Scary: She was a lot of fun to be with. She could be wacky and sarky and was generally very outgoing and into partying the night away. And she had a scary laugh..........the kind which you didn't want to hear in the middle of the night while stumbling along in the darkness.
2. Posh: Posh, as her name suggested, always behaved in a regal fashion to the point of being a little haughty. Somewhat similar to the SOBO's found in Mumbai. You would probably expect her to turn up her nose, put her hands up in the air and utter "Oh so middle class" at any given point in time.
3. Baby: She was the more stable among the three. Rosy cheeks were her claim to fame. Probably modelled for Pears in her spare time. But she had had too may laddoos in her childhood leading to her being a little on the "healthy" side.
4. Mr. Bean: He looked eccentric and behaved even more so. He rose when the world slept and vice versa. He was usually found on campus in a semi nude state and if itches could kill.........he would have dropped dead a long time ago.
5. Techtosterone: Tech was his forte. He could live tech, eat tech and breathe tech. He probably even had an algorithm devised to fart taking the path of least resistance and having the minimum coefficient of friction.
6. Brainy & Drainy: Brainy was your man for anything related to numbers. And Drainy was the king of draining liquid from a glass.
So, the plan was operational. Shivaji and Scary had started getting along well of late and he had even managed to get her to come partying a couple of times on the pretext of searching out new hang out spots. This was causing much heartburn to Sambaji, but he was just keeping quiet for the moment and biding his time. And so, one fine Saturday night, B Company and G Company (G = Guys)had a group date together. Shivaji broke the good news to Sambaji, The Buffer, Aurangzeb, The Consultant and The Knight whereas Scary did likewise to the B Company.
There were mixed reactions on either side. While Sambaji and The Consultant were thrilled ( The Consultant had his own designs while Sambaji was Sambaji), Aurangzeb was happy at the change of scenery and the chance to conquer conquered lands (after they were first conquered of course). The Buffer was resigned to his fate. He would be taking care of Mr. Bean, Techtostereone, Brainy and Drainy all by himself. The Knight was extremely unhappy with the plan. His idea of a fun Saturday night was defined by two words "Cheap Booze". This plan did not exactly coincide with it.
And so set off into the night B Company and G Company. G Company vroomed to the destination on their phat phatis. B Company ofcourse reached there by car. Posh could not make it as she had some prior engagement to keep. The venue was a jazzy place with tents in the open air and candles on the table. And the beverage menu reflected it. B Company sat on one side of the table and G Company on the other. This set the tone for the night. The Knight was sulking on one side of the table as the booze was burning a big hole in his pocket. Brainy, Drainy and Techtosterone were sulking on the other side as they did not like getting buffered. The only people who were really enjoying themselves were Scary, Shivaji and Sambaji.
Scary loved to shock people and started off by ordering a "Screaming Orgasm" much to Shivaji's delight. However, that was among the only few high points of the evening which eventually turned out to be quite disastrous. Imagine two jokes being cracked and one half of the table laughing at the first one and the other half at the second one. Or Techtosterone trying to explain the Theory of Relativity to Sambaji who was more interested in the Theory of Relationships. Or for that matter, The Buffer trying to relate how he got orgasmic on discussing food to Brainy getting a similar feeling on discussing various methods of redemption of debentures. Not to mention cold vibes from aggrieved parties all across. After the painful task of settling the bill, Shivaji suggested that all concerned head off to a disc and party the night away. But much to his dismay this was aggressively vetoed across the table and off went everybody back to their rides.
Unfortunately for the Conquerors, this was the last time they got a chance with either Scary or Posh as both went off the market shortly and they had to start all over again.But while the end result was not quite what they had intended, the theory had worked wonderfully well. It was now only a matter of fine tuning it and finding new lands to conquer.
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
They just did not have a strategy in place. Even a team with the most prodigious talent in its line up would never be able to win without a terrific strategy. And they considered themselves a team with prodigious talent. Thus was born the Buffering Theory. The theory was extremely simple. Lets say there is a Gal A whom Shivaji/ Sambaji liked and would like to hang out with. The Gal A would have Guy A, B, C and Gal B, C hanging around her. Hence it would be extremely difficult for them to monopolize her attention. This was where the Buffer came in. The Buffer's role was to neutralize these unwanted interruptions thus giving a free hand to the Shivaji's.
They decided to test the theory on a group known as "The B Company".The B Company had in its midst Scary, Baby and Posh (akin to the Spice Girls for the uninitiated).Scary and Sambaji had got along extremely well during their Fresher's party and had ended up dancing way into the night. Sambaji thus had very fond memories of her. Posh and Shivaji too had got along famously during the festive time a few months ago and he hoped to build on it. Baby was added to the mix as part of Shivaji's legendary cluster bombing principle.
The constituents of the B Company as perceived by our conquerors were as follows:
1. Scary: She was a lot of fun to be with. She could be wacky and sarky and was generally very outgoing and into partying the night away. And she had a scary laugh..........the kind which you didn't want to hear in the middle of the night while stumbling along in the darkness.
2. Posh: Posh, as her name suggested, always behaved in a regal fashion to the point of being a little haughty. Somewhat similar to the SOBO's found in Mumbai. You would probably expect her to turn up her nose, put her hands up in the air and utter "Oh so middle class" at any given point in time.
3. Baby: She was the more stable among the three. Rosy cheeks were her claim to fame. Probably modelled for Pears in her spare time. But she had had too may laddoos in her childhood leading to her being a little on the "healthy" side.
4. Mr. Bean: He looked eccentric and behaved even more so. He rose when the world slept and vice versa. He was usually found on campus in a semi nude state and if itches could kill.........he would have dropped dead a long time ago.
5. Techtosterone: Tech was his forte. He could live tech, eat tech and breathe tech. He probably even had an algorithm devised to fart taking the path of least resistance and having the minimum coefficient of friction.
6. Brainy & Drainy: Brainy was your man for anything related to numbers. And Drainy was the king of draining liquid from a glass.
So, the plan was operational. Shivaji and Scary had started getting along well of late and he had even managed to get her to come partying a couple of times on the pretext of searching out new hang out spots. This was causing much heartburn to Sambaji, but he was just keeping quiet for the moment and biding his time. And so, one fine Saturday night, B Company and G Company (G = Guys)had a group date together. Shivaji broke the good news to Sambaji, The Buffer, Aurangzeb, The Consultant and The Knight whereas Scary did likewise to the B Company.
There were mixed reactions on either side. While Sambaji and The Consultant were thrilled ( The Consultant had his own designs while Sambaji was Sambaji), Aurangzeb was happy at the change of scenery and the chance to conquer conquered lands (after they were first conquered of course). The Buffer was resigned to his fate. He would be taking care of Mr. Bean, Techtostereone, Brainy and Drainy all by himself. The Knight was extremely unhappy with the plan. His idea of a fun Saturday night was defined by two words "Cheap Booze". This plan did not exactly coincide with it.
And so set off into the night B Company and G Company. G Company vroomed to the destination on their phat phatis. B Company ofcourse reached there by car. Posh could not make it as she had some prior engagement to keep. The venue was a jazzy place with tents in the open air and candles on the table. And the beverage menu reflected it. B Company sat on one side of the table and G Company on the other. This set the tone for the night. The Knight was sulking on one side of the table as the booze was burning a big hole in his pocket. Brainy, Drainy and Techtosterone were sulking on the other side as they did not like getting buffered. The only people who were really enjoying themselves were Scary, Shivaji and Sambaji.
Scary loved to shock people and started off by ordering a "Screaming Orgasm" much to Shivaji's delight. However, that was among the only few high points of the evening which eventually turned out to be quite disastrous. Imagine two jokes being cracked and one half of the table laughing at the first one and the other half at the second one. Or Techtosterone trying to explain the Theory of Relativity to Sambaji who was more interested in the Theory of Relationships. Or for that matter, The Buffer trying to relate how he got orgasmic on discussing food to Brainy getting a similar feeling on discussing various methods of redemption of debentures. Not to mention cold vibes from aggrieved parties all across. After the painful task of settling the bill, Shivaji suggested that all concerned head off to a disc and party the night away. But much to his dismay this was aggressively vetoed across the table and off went everybody back to their rides.
Unfortunately for the Conquerors, this was the last time they got a chance with either Scary or Posh as both went off the market shortly and they had to start all over again.But while the end result was not quite what they had intended, the theory had worked wonderfully well. It was now only a matter of fine tuning it and finding new lands to conquer.
Note:
1. All characters are fictional. Resemblance, if any is purely coincidental.
2. Kindly refer the opening post on Buffering Theories for any reference to the main characters.
21 Feb 2010
RR-008: Buffering Theories
The Buffer: One that protects by intercepting or moderating adverse pressures or influences/ something that separates potentially antagonistic entities.
Source: www.thefreedictionary.com
Main Cast Of Characters:
1. The Buffer: He hailed from the North. But hated Delhities. Tall and broad (tending to fat), he roamed around campus in his patented "baniyans" and loved to show off his stretch marks which evidenced his increasing girth. He was committed to his off campus girlfriend and thus was made committed to the cause i.e. he became the designated buffer. The job description of the buffer was simple - to take care of potentially antagonistic entities, in this case guys of targeted groups thus allowing license to thrill to the "Shivaji's".
2. Shivaji: He believed he could float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. But usually ended up stinging the butterfly itself. He was hilarious to be with, more so as his gaffes were unintentional and always came at the wrong moment. He believed in cluster bombing. Fire at multiple targets at once and you were sure to hit one was his funda in life. Sadly for him, not all fundas in life actually come true.
3. Sambaji: Trusted aide de camp to Shivaji in the matter of cluster bombing. He brought some method to Shivaji's madness. Some strategy to the insanity. He always managed to charm the pretty chicks on the dance floor with his grooves and moves but ended up being caught in the pics the next day. But he usually managed to get away by blaming Bacardi Martini Pvt Ltd for the previous night's excesses.
4. The Knight (In Shining Armour): He was notorious from Day 1 for his "Mandovi Pul Ke Tale" misdemeanours. He was of medium height, but packed enough muscle to push two drunk six foot plus Punjabi Mundas through the boys hostel single handedly. He took his designated duties of helping and protecting women extremely seriously by whisking them away from under Shivaji's and Sambaji's respective noses on his 150 cc Unicorn leading to much gnashing of teeth and heartburn. He believed subtlety and not the directness of cluster bombing would lead him to the damsels.
5. Aurangzeb: Where Shivaji & Sambaji roamed the roads looking for new lands to conquer, Aurangzeb believed in conquering their conquered territories while they were away. Positively Machiavellian in nature. His innocent looks belied his scheming ways. In a sense he was the anti buffer.
Guest Appearances:
1. The Consultant: He looked like a firang and behaved like one too. Daataa was his forte. He joined as a vegetarian, teetotaler and non fagger. And finished up being none of those. Extremely excitable, he always lived life on the edge and was prone to swinging from one extreme to the other.
2. Ladykiller: As the name suggests, he was irresistible to the ladies. Or thought so. His strategy to woo the ladies was simple. Study with the guys. And then teach the girls. Thus creating a virtual harem in his room. Unfortunately for him, when the results came out, usually the girls passed and he ended up flunking.
3. Gyaani Baba: He was the king of gyaan and had an opinion on every possible thing on earth. When in form, he could argue the hind legs off a donkey. He tried to take the gyaan route to charm the chicks. But that was like trying to cure tonsils by putting a hand up your backside.
Source: www.thefreedictionary.com
Main Cast Of Characters:
1. The Buffer: He hailed from the North. But hated Delhities. Tall and broad (tending to fat), he roamed around campus in his patented "baniyans" and loved to show off his stretch marks which evidenced his increasing girth. He was committed to his off campus girlfriend and thus was made committed to the cause i.e. he became the designated buffer. The job description of the buffer was simple - to take care of potentially antagonistic entities, in this case guys of targeted groups thus allowing license to thrill to the "Shivaji's".
2. Shivaji: He believed he could float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. But usually ended up stinging the butterfly itself. He was hilarious to be with, more so as his gaffes were unintentional and always came at the wrong moment. He believed in cluster bombing. Fire at multiple targets at once and you were sure to hit one was his funda in life. Sadly for him, not all fundas in life actually come true.
3. Sambaji: Trusted aide de camp to Shivaji in the matter of cluster bombing. He brought some method to Shivaji's madness. Some strategy to the insanity. He always managed to charm the pretty chicks on the dance floor with his grooves and moves but ended up being caught in the pics the next day. But he usually managed to get away by blaming Bacardi Martini Pvt Ltd for the previous night's excesses.
4. The Knight (In Shining Armour): He was notorious from Day 1 for his "Mandovi Pul Ke Tale" misdemeanours. He was of medium height, but packed enough muscle to push two drunk six foot plus Punjabi Mundas through the boys hostel single handedly. He took his designated duties of helping and protecting women extremely seriously by whisking them away from under Shivaji's and Sambaji's respective noses on his 150 cc Unicorn leading to much gnashing of teeth and heartburn. He believed subtlety and not the directness of cluster bombing would lead him to the damsels.
5. Aurangzeb: Where Shivaji & Sambaji roamed the roads looking for new lands to conquer, Aurangzeb believed in conquering their conquered territories while they were away. Positively Machiavellian in nature. His innocent looks belied his scheming ways. In a sense he was the anti buffer.
Guest Appearances:
1. The Consultant: He looked like a firang and behaved like one too. Daataa was his forte. He joined as a vegetarian, teetotaler and non fagger. And finished up being none of those. Extremely excitable, he always lived life on the edge and was prone to swinging from one extreme to the other.
2. Ladykiller: As the name suggests, he was irresistible to the ladies. Or thought so. His strategy to woo the ladies was simple. Study with the guys. And then teach the girls. Thus creating a virtual harem in his room. Unfortunately for him, when the results came out, usually the girls passed and he ended up flunking.
3. Gyaani Baba: He was the king of gyaan and had an opinion on every possible thing on earth. When in form, he could argue the hind legs off a donkey. He tried to take the gyaan route to charm the chicks. But that was like trying to cure tonsils by putting a hand up your backside.
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