The Buffer: One that protects by intercepting or moderating adverse pressures or influences/ something that separates potentially antagonistic entities.
Source: www.thefreedictionary.com
Main Cast Of Characters:
1. The Buffer: He hailed from the North. But hated Delhities. Tall and broad (tending to fat), he roamed around campus in his patented "baniyans" and loved to show off his stretch marks which evidenced his increasing girth. He was committed to his off campus girlfriend and thus was made committed to the cause i.e. he became the designated buffer. The job description of the buffer was simple - to take care of potentially antagonistic entities, in this case guys of targeted groups thus allowing license to thrill to the "Shivaji's".
2. Shivaji: He believed he could float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. But usually ended up stinging the butterfly itself. He was hilarious to be with, more so as his gaffes were unintentional and always came at the wrong moment. He believed in cluster bombing. Fire at multiple targets at once and you were sure to hit one was his funda in life. Sadly for him, not all fundas in life actually come true.
3. Sambaji: Trusted aide de camp to Shivaji in the matter of cluster bombing. He brought some method to Shivaji's madness. Some strategy to the insanity. He always managed to charm the pretty chicks on the dance floor with his grooves and moves but ended up being caught in the pics the next day. But he usually managed to get away by blaming Bacardi Martini Pvt Ltd for the previous night's excesses.
4. The Knight (In Shining Armour): He was notorious from Day 1 for his "Mandovi Pul Ke Tale" misdemeanours. He was of medium height, but packed enough muscle to push two drunk six foot plus Punjabi Mundas through the boys hostel single handedly. He took his designated duties of helping and protecting women extremely seriously by whisking them away from under Shivaji's and Sambaji's respective noses on his 150 cc Unicorn leading to much gnashing of teeth and heartburn. He believed subtlety and not the directness of cluster bombing would lead him to the damsels.
5. Aurangzeb: Where Shivaji & Sambaji roamed the roads looking for new lands to conquer, Aurangzeb believed in conquering their conquered territories while they were away. Positively Machiavellian in nature. His innocent looks belied his scheming ways. In a sense he was the anti buffer.
Guest Appearances:
1. The Consultant: He looked like a firang and behaved like one too. Daataa was his forte. He joined as a vegetarian, teetotaler and non fagger. And finished up being none of those. Extremely excitable, he always lived life on the edge and was prone to swinging from one extreme to the other.
2. Ladykiller: As the name suggests, he was irresistible to the ladies. Or thought so. His strategy to woo the ladies was simple. Study with the guys. And then teach the girls. Thus creating a virtual harem in his room. Unfortunately for him, when the results came out, usually the girls passed and he ended up flunking.
3. Gyaani Baba: He was the king of gyaan and had an opinion on every possible thing on earth. When in form, he could argue the hind legs off a donkey. He tried to take the gyaan route to charm the chicks. But that was like trying to cure tonsils by putting a hand up your backside.
21 Feb 2010
27 Jan 2010
RR-007: The engagement
By the time we woke up the next day, groggy and disoriented, it was past 8.30. I was told that the venue was just 20 mins away and whoever heard of engagements starting on time anyway? So after leaving the house by 9 and making a couple of pit-stops to pick up a couple of damsels on the way (chivalry when your running late can be extremely trying indeed) we managed to reach the venue at ...................10.30 !!!. How so? Read on........
Only LR had been to SM's house before. Hence he was playing the role of the navigator. VS was elected to drive assuming he was the fastest and the safest after the previous night's excesses. Im guessing I missed seeing LR fall and take a knock on the head because he suddenly started behaving like Ghajini whenever we looked to him to provide directions. Im sure he would have given Aamir Khan a run for his money if he had auditioned for the role then. The road which he was sure led to the venue the first moment, suddenly became alien the next.
So off we chugged along, north the first moment and then south the next. Finally we managed to reach the vicinity of the venue and just to confirm the exact location, we zeroed in on a HDFC ATM and more importantly the security guard loitering next to it. LR signalled him to come closer and the moment he did so, slid down the window and......... SNEEZED ON HIM!!!.
It was a very accurate and powerful sneeze. Not a single droplet missed the intended target. The security guard was too stunned to say a word. But you have to give credit where credit is due. LR was completely unfazed and even managed to get directions out of the poor fellow and off we toodled along and finally reached SM's house.
We hurried into the main hall to find the ceremonies underway. Uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, relatives were all in attendance. We quietly joined them and just as I was congratulating myself for having made a surreptitious entry, Shakira started blaring loudly to my right. It was our very own "Joey" aka LR who had forgotten to put his cell on silent.
For those blessed with a vivid imagination, I would suggest you imagine the following:
a. hymns and sholkas being sung by priests
b. proud parents with tears in their eyes
c. the happy couple waiting to exchange rings
d. "Laundry Service" by Shakira blasting to glory
e. A horrified LR oblivious to his surroundings shouting f***, f***, f*** and disappearing at top speed.
At that moment I truly wished the floor had opened up and swallowed me whole. All present were giving me extremely dirty looks as if waiting for my Shakira tune to start. I tried to appear as nonchalant as possible and pretend as if nothing untoward had happened. But that was a mite difficult and understandably so !!!
The rest of the engagement went off comparatively uneventfully until the post lunch session. SM's brother brought out a guitar and serenaded us with songs which he had specially composed for the occasion. While most of us listened quite attentively, LR dozed off right next to the bro completely oblivious to his surroundings. If he had nodded a bit more, he would have probably fallen into the bro's lap.
And then came the most hilarious part. Everybody started insisting that AD sing a song for his beloved. While he of course tried to escape this public outing of his vocal chords by giving random excuses, all of which were rejected, to egg him on SM suggested that he sing songs of Madhubala who was supposedly his favourite (funny as he doesn't look old enough to be born in the sixties). At this point of time LR suddenly awoke from his slumber refreshed and revitalized and having heard only the last part about AD's liking (supposed) for Madhubala utttered the following " AD, if you like Madhubala why did you keep Pamela Anderson's photographs in your drawer in college?".
I think, this time every person in the room wished the floor opened up and swallowed him. While the father looked at the ceiling, the mother looked at the floor and we all despicable people looked at each other and burst out laughing. This was one of those times when we saw a sinister gleam in AD's eyes. A mad light which overrides reason. Fortunately his better half had a calming influence on him and there was a happy ending to the day's proceedings.
Only LR had been to SM's house before. Hence he was playing the role of the navigator. VS was elected to drive assuming he was the fastest and the safest after the previous night's excesses. Im guessing I missed seeing LR fall and take a knock on the head because he suddenly started behaving like Ghajini whenever we looked to him to provide directions. Im sure he would have given Aamir Khan a run for his money if he had auditioned for the role then. The road which he was sure led to the venue the first moment, suddenly became alien the next.
So off we chugged along, north the first moment and then south the next. Finally we managed to reach the vicinity of the venue and just to confirm the exact location, we zeroed in on a HDFC ATM and more importantly the security guard loitering next to it. LR signalled him to come closer and the moment he did so, slid down the window and......... SNEEZED ON HIM!!!.
It was a very accurate and powerful sneeze. Not a single droplet missed the intended target. The security guard was too stunned to say a word. But you have to give credit where credit is due. LR was completely unfazed and even managed to get directions out of the poor fellow and off we toodled along and finally reached SM's house.
We hurried into the main hall to find the ceremonies underway. Uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, relatives were all in attendance. We quietly joined them and just as I was congratulating myself for having made a surreptitious entry, Shakira started blaring loudly to my right. It was our very own "Joey" aka LR who had forgotten to put his cell on silent.
For those blessed with a vivid imagination, I would suggest you imagine the following:
a. hymns and sholkas being sung by priests
b. proud parents with tears in their eyes
c. the happy couple waiting to exchange rings
d. "Laundry Service" by Shakira blasting to glory
e. A horrified LR oblivious to his surroundings shouting f***, f***, f*** and disappearing at top speed.
At that moment I truly wished the floor had opened up and swallowed me whole. All present were giving me extremely dirty looks as if waiting for my Shakira tune to start. I tried to appear as nonchalant as possible and pretend as if nothing untoward had happened. But that was a mite difficult and understandably so !!!
The rest of the engagement went off comparatively uneventfully until the post lunch session. SM's brother brought out a guitar and serenaded us with songs which he had specially composed for the occasion. While most of us listened quite attentively, LR dozed off right next to the bro completely oblivious to his surroundings. If he had nodded a bit more, he would have probably fallen into the bro's lap.
And then came the most hilarious part. Everybody started insisting that AD sing a song for his beloved. While he of course tried to escape this public outing of his vocal chords by giving random excuses, all of which were rejected, to egg him on SM suggested that he sing songs of Madhubala who was supposedly his favourite (funny as he doesn't look old enough to be born in the sixties). At this point of time LR suddenly awoke from his slumber refreshed and revitalized and having heard only the last part about AD's liking (supposed) for Madhubala utttered the following " AD, if you like Madhubala why did you keep Pamela Anderson's photographs in your drawer in college?".
I think, this time every person in the room wished the floor opened up and swallowed him. While the father looked at the ceiling, the mother looked at the floor and we all despicable people looked at each other and burst out laughing. This was one of those times when we saw a sinister gleam in AD's eyes. A mad light which overrides reason. Fortunately his better half had a calming influence on him and there was a happy ending to the day's proceedings.
27 Dec 2009
RR-006: An engagement to remember - prelude
Some time back two of my friends AD and SM got engaged to each other. Hence a trip to the IT capital of India took place. Along with me to cheer on the couple were also PP, GS, LR & VS.
Co-incidentally, LR also had his birthday on the day of the engagement. The ensuing balancing act between the party and engagement was extremely eventful to say the least.
It all started off with the birthday party. When there are 3 goans and madeira then ruckus has to ensure. Its like Newton's Laws of Motion. Or Boyle's Law. Or a Tendulkar century. There is a certain inevitability to it. And when you add a Delhite, a dentist and a slapgate (a few hours prior to the party) then it further adds to the mix.
So there was music and dancing and fun and frolic. AR played the DJ, GK marshalled the alcohol, VS the ladies. Along with college mates, LR's other friends also made periodic entries. After hasty intoductions which were also forgotten with some speed, everybody made a beeline for the refreshments.
So as expected, with so many Goans in the frame, techno, trance and hip hop was the flavour of the evening. But surprisingly, there were spurts of Punjabi pop on special requests by the budday boy. I distinctly remember how all this started. LR used to love all things Goan and hate the rest in the first year of college. Then he was made to trawl through the depths of Punjab during his summers and God knows what they did to him there, but he emerged a changed man and a lover of all things Punjabi including songs, food, damsels and especially the unmentionables.
But I digress here. The party continued late into the nite and towards the end im sure even if the watchmen had come and knocked down a couple of large ones, no one would have noticed. By the time everybody retired, it was past 4 am. And we had an engagement to reach at 9 am sharp!!!
So as expected, with so many Goans in the frame, techno, trance and hip hop was the flavour of the evening. But surprisingly, there were spurts of Punjabi pop on special requests by the budday boy. I distinctly remember how all this started. LR used to love all things Goan and hate the rest in the first year of college. Then he was made to trawl through the depths of Punjab during his summers and God knows what they did to him there, but he emerged a changed man and a lover of all things Punjabi including songs, food, damsels and especially the unmentionables.
But I digress here. The party continued late into the nite and towards the end im sure even if the watchmen had come and knocked down a couple of large ones, no one would have noticed. By the time everybody retired, it was past 4 am. And we had an engagement to reach at 9 am sharp!!!
18 Oct 2009
RR-005: The Second Date
After my experiences during my first date, I thought nothing could now faze me. And hence I was relatively calmer this time around. A couple of other chaps in my group, who had also got dates suggested that we take our bikes for the party and have dinner someplace before we headed off.
I was not too keen on the idea as the "committed boyfriend" of my so far faceless date might have had objections to this. However, bowing to peer pressure I said I would ask her and we could do that if she agreed.
She called me in the afternoon on the day of the date and confirmed the time that we would meet at. And so, once again I headed to the quad to meet my date at the pre-appointed hour and once again joined the vast multitude who had also reached at their pre-appointed hours.
Fortunately, the wait this time around, proved not to be so long and my date located me standing in the quad and introduced herself. I remembered having seen her around the campus and introduced her to my dateless friends who shall be named AD and JD. Since both AD and JD had not had anybody ask them out, they were going as a couple to the party.
Now before I could open my mouth to ask her about dinner and transportation, she asked me about where was I going to take her out for dinner and how were we going. So much for the committed boyfriend. So a large group set out for the place which had become our regular watering hole, "Angels Resort". All through the short 20 min ride to our destination, she chattered non stop about how much she was loving Goa and also looking forward to the date. With sporadice interjections on the boyfriend also. She also mentioned dancing as one of her hobbies and so I was already planning a fast exit after reaching the party venue.
After reaching Angels, as AD and JD had to have fun, they began reminiscing about our first year and ofcourse my first year date. So out came the old story and everybody had a good laugh about it. Post dinner, we all set off for the party and once more she started gushing about how much she was enjoying the date and looking forward to dancing at the party. Ouch.
So as soon as we reached the party, I excused myself saying that I wanted to check out the bar counter. So, after giving me a scandalised look, she said that she would be waiting for me to dance with her in what sounded like an ominous tone. So taking this as a reprieve, I went to the opposite end of the party.
Now, in every party as most people I am sure would have observed there always forms a group of guys who speccialise in what is known as the "Junglee Dance". This is nothing but a group of guys who all have two left feet and take solace in the group to do all sorts of weird gyrations which they think constitutes dancing. Needless to say I was a regular member of this tribe and I joined them hoping my date would forget all about me. After half an hour of enjoying dancing with the Sunny Deols, Amitabh Bacchans and Sanju Babas of the "Junglee Group" I made the cardinal mistake of taking a break.
I bumped into my date, who was aggrieved at my ditching her and insisted that we head to the dance floor. Fortunately, my friend GK was also facing the same predicament with his date on the dance floor and we managed to to do some odd sort of group dance for some time. The rest of the party passed in a kind of a blur as it turned into running in the opp direction whenever I bumped into my date. Fortunately, I was fortifying myself at regular intervals and this helped in the passage of time.
Finally the party ended and I transported us back to campus, where she very graciously said that she had a lovely time and had really enjoyed herself. The next day she also gave me a thank you note for the freshers date.
Very curiously, that was the last time we ever spoke on campus. I guess she really did not enjoy the date that much!!!
I was not too keen on the idea as the "committed boyfriend" of my so far faceless date might have had objections to this. However, bowing to peer pressure I said I would ask her and we could do that if she agreed.
She called me in the afternoon on the day of the date and confirmed the time that we would meet at. And so, once again I headed to the quad to meet my date at the pre-appointed hour and once again joined the vast multitude who had also reached at their pre-appointed hours.
Fortunately, the wait this time around, proved not to be so long and my date located me standing in the quad and introduced herself. I remembered having seen her around the campus and introduced her to my dateless friends who shall be named AD and JD. Since both AD and JD had not had anybody ask them out, they were going as a couple to the party.
Now before I could open my mouth to ask her about dinner and transportation, she asked me about where was I going to take her out for dinner and how were we going. So much for the committed boyfriend. So a large group set out for the place which had become our regular watering hole, "Angels Resort". All through the short 20 min ride to our destination, she chattered non stop about how much she was loving Goa and also looking forward to the date. With sporadice interjections on the boyfriend also. She also mentioned dancing as one of her hobbies and so I was already planning a fast exit after reaching the party venue.
After reaching Angels, as AD and JD had to have fun, they began reminiscing about our first year and ofcourse my first year date. So out came the old story and everybody had a good laugh about it. Post dinner, we all set off for the party and once more she started gushing about how much she was enjoying the date and looking forward to dancing at the party. Ouch.
So as soon as we reached the party, I excused myself saying that I wanted to check out the bar counter. So, after giving me a scandalised look, she said that she would be waiting for me to dance with her in what sounded like an ominous tone. So taking this as a reprieve, I went to the opposite end of the party.
Now, in every party as most people I am sure would have observed there always forms a group of guys who speccialise in what is known as the "Junglee Dance". This is nothing but a group of guys who all have two left feet and take solace in the group to do all sorts of weird gyrations which they think constitutes dancing. Needless to say I was a regular member of this tribe and I joined them hoping my date would forget all about me. After half an hour of enjoying dancing with the Sunny Deols, Amitabh Bacchans and Sanju Babas of the "Junglee Group" I made the cardinal mistake of taking a break.
I bumped into my date, who was aggrieved at my ditching her and insisted that we head to the dance floor. Fortunately, my friend GK was also facing the same predicament with his date on the dance floor and we managed to to do some odd sort of group dance for some time. The rest of the party passed in a kind of a blur as it turned into running in the opp direction whenever I bumped into my date. Fortunately, I was fortifying myself at regular intervals and this helped in the passage of time.
Finally the party ended and I transported us back to campus, where she very graciously said that she had a lovely time and had really enjoyed herself. The next day she also gave me a thank you note for the freshers date.
Very curiously, that was the last time we ever spoke on campus. I guess she really did not enjoy the date that much!!!
17 Oct 2009
RR-004: Episode 2 - Run up to the Second Date
After the exertions of the first year, I thought that I was past that stage of being chased for a date now. I was in the Second Year after all and would be dictating things rather than the other way round. And being extremely averse of doing assignments for the fairer sex, I thought that I would be under the radar as far as dates go. Well.........apparently, I was wrong.
Typically, the Freshers Party is a month into the first term of the year. A major part of the month was thru without any alarming signs. That was till I got a phone call one day. It was a lady from my junior batch. She had apparently done a background check on me through some common friend she had discovered and decided that I would be the perfect choice for the date. All that was required was an official communique and this was it.
Lest I get any ideas about her having any designs on me, she informed me that she had a boyfriend whom she was extremely committed too. I have read my fair share of P.G. Wodehouse novels and probably have been subconciously influenced by the "Code of the Woosters". Hence I could obviously not turn down the date. So hoping for the best I said "that would be great" in my most charming voice and started preparations for what had turned out to be a blind date.
Over the next week or so, I made efforts to put a a face to the voice, but was unsuccesful. Maybe she wanted to keep it as a surprise till the end!!!
And so, I was on the verge of starting my second date......
Typically, the Freshers Party is a month into the first term of the year. A major part of the month was thru without any alarming signs. That was till I got a phone call one day. It was a lady from my junior batch. She had apparently done a background check on me through some common friend she had discovered and decided that I would be the perfect choice for the date. All that was required was an official communique and this was it.
Lest I get any ideas about her having any designs on me, she informed me that she had a boyfriend whom she was extremely committed too. I have read my fair share of P.G. Wodehouse novels and probably have been subconciously influenced by the "Code of the Woosters". Hence I could obviously not turn down the date. So hoping for the best I said "that would be great" in my most charming voice and started preparations for what had turned out to be a blind date.
Over the next week or so, I made efforts to put a a face to the voice, but was unsuccesful. Maybe she wanted to keep it as a surprise till the end!!!
And so, I was on the verge of starting my second date......
5 Aug 2007
RR-003: The Date
While getting ready for the evening's extravaganzas, my roommate suggested that we get some gifts for our companions for the party. From bouquets to momentos, everything was in, with flowers especially being the flavour of the evening.After arguing on what would be appropriate, assessing economic feasibility and ease of availability, we finally settled for chocolates. It didnt seem to be able to give them the possibility of either saying "bahut yaarana lagta hai" or "date pe aaye. woh bhi khaali haath".
By now the early jitters seemed to be settling a little. As the saying goes " after the first dip the water dosnt seem that cold anymore". The jitters were getting replaced by an excitement which seemed to be slowly building up. The stags (of which i was 'happily' not a part of now) helped by showing just the wee twinges of jealousy. Normal one would say, as whatever the cons, a guy with a date was always one (if not many) up on one who didnt ( not taking unusual sexual orientations into consideration over here).
So, on the pre-appointed hour, I arrived..........only to join the vast multitude who had also arrived at their pre appointed hours. So to pass the time we exchanged notes and confidence boosters and finally just as I was wondering if this was a case of the bride and the altar she arrived !!! I dutifully handed over the chocolates and got a warm thank you in return. Chatting on some trivial topics we finally reached our mode of transportation. Let me clarify that this was the bus hired out by the college before any grandiose thoughts spring to mind.
Just as we settled down, a couple joined us across the aisle. The lady in question was introduced as her sister and the gentleman a friend. Well, even I was a bit tense about the date, but bringing chaperones (and would one of them do?...........most definitely not!!!) seemed to be going a bit far. Bring em on I thought, ever the optimist. And they literally did. All three seemed to be from Bongland. They seemed to have graduated from two of the most elite colleges around and inevitably a debate on which one was better started. What did I do? I listened.
After not an inconsiderable amount of time of who was better getting blasted into my ears from opposite directions, so that it almost spouted out of my nose, she realised that something was amiss. "I hope you are not getting bored, but we are from rival colleges" the lady said. I would never have guessed that by myself now would I? " Not at all" I said trying to be my gallant best. It is sometimes better not doing so as I was to realise over the next few moments when the attention shifted to me.
Tell me about yourself, what are your hobbies?, why MBA?.......................and here I thought I was past the interview stage. Suddenly, as my answers seemed to be meandering and her questions losing direction, there came the sucker punch " tell me five nice things about myself". Im not often caught at a loss for words but this was surely one of those. To put it succintly, I went blank. So I blabbed about her enthusiasm, debate skills and bubbly nature (cross my soul)and gave her my most winning smile hoping for a reprieve. She said "tell me more". Ah well, "when you do the thing you fear, you fear it no more". So I said that she was the most beautiful girl on campus and heaved a sigh. One couldnt ask for more could one?
Wrong. Behind that rather robust figure there lay a razor sharp mind. " Pray tell me dear fellow, why didnt you ask me out till the last possible moment then?" she said. She would have made the KGB, Gestapo and MI5 all proud. Perry Mason would have his hat off to her. I made an excuse about having two left feet and thus not wanting to ruin her evening making me hesitate till the end ( not bad for a spur of the moment one I thought). And then I dealt myself sucker punch number two. I guess those who have the FITM (Foot in the Mouth) syndrome would identify with me but it always seems to crop up at the wrong time. Not that I know a right time for it. But seeing the one way flow of traffic made me venture out a question of my own. I asked her about her hobbies. Among others she mentioned cooking as one of them And so, connecting staying in Bongland with Bong colleges and Bong friends, I uttered " Bongs are usually good cooks". She sat up straight, her back went rigid and with flashing eyes she said " What the f***. Im a Marwadi. Now I knew I was beyond the point of no return.
Now I dont know if I have made it clear but the two left feet syndrome was indeed a real one, thus forming a great reason for me not wanting to embarass myself by taking a date to the party, but now that moment I dreaded had finally come.
Oh well. We all have to face our waterloo sometime I guess. But just as we entered the party, she started greeting everybody like long lost friends (funny as I dont remember the ride to be that long) and I needed a drink badly after the ordeal. So off I headed towards the refreshments and "down the hatch it went with a hey nonny nonny and a hot cha cha". Fermented potatoes had never tasted better. By the time I got back, to the dance floor, feeling a bit more fortified ( a couple of the best ones help not only loosen tongues as per popular belief but the legs also). Seeing the lady occupied in doing the salsa with some poor soul, I got busy stepping on the toes of all those within reach with great gusto. Fortunately for the rest of the dance floor Im not too much into high heels or there actually might have been blood on the dance floor.
Another coupla jolly ones makes one forget the rest in a kinda mist and so after some time I was vaguely aware of someone shaking me vigorously. I didnt particularly recognise her but she directed me towards my erstwile date. She was sitting disconsolately in a corner and feeling that she really didnt know me well enough if she missed my dancing so much I proceeded to elicit the where, why and how from her. Apparently some idiot had stamped on her foot and broken her sandal (God bless his soul) and someone else had her elbow bludegeon into her resulting in a loss of her lenses. She regrettably informed me that she would not be able to dance with me and apologised for ruining my evening ( yippie).
So with a song in my heart and a tear in my eye I bid her adieu, and have lived to tell the tale.
PS:
To my date that nite: If you ever read this, its all in good humour. I think the very fact that I remember the details are a testimony to that.
To the others: Im not a mean guy or a sadist or a chauvinist. I just got a weird sense of humour I guess.
By now the early jitters seemed to be settling a little. As the saying goes " after the first dip the water dosnt seem that cold anymore". The jitters were getting replaced by an excitement which seemed to be slowly building up. The stags (of which i was 'happily' not a part of now) helped by showing just the wee twinges of jealousy. Normal one would say, as whatever the cons, a guy with a date was always one (if not many) up on one who didnt ( not taking unusual sexual orientations into consideration over here).
So, on the pre-appointed hour, I arrived..........only to join the vast multitude who had also arrived at their pre appointed hours. So to pass the time we exchanged notes and confidence boosters and finally just as I was wondering if this was a case of the bride and the altar she arrived !!! I dutifully handed over the chocolates and got a warm thank you in return. Chatting on some trivial topics we finally reached our mode of transportation. Let me clarify that this was the bus hired out by the college before any grandiose thoughts spring to mind.
Just as we settled down, a couple joined us across the aisle. The lady in question was introduced as her sister and the gentleman a friend. Well, even I was a bit tense about the date, but bringing chaperones (and would one of them do?...........most definitely not!!!) seemed to be going a bit far. Bring em on I thought, ever the optimist. And they literally did. All three seemed to be from Bongland. They seemed to have graduated from two of the most elite colleges around and inevitably a debate on which one was better started. What did I do? I listened.
After not an inconsiderable amount of time of who was better getting blasted into my ears from opposite directions, so that it almost spouted out of my nose, she realised that something was amiss. "I hope you are not getting bored, but we are from rival colleges" the lady said. I would never have guessed that by myself now would I? " Not at all" I said trying to be my gallant best. It is sometimes better not doing so as I was to realise over the next few moments when the attention shifted to me.
Tell me about yourself, what are your hobbies?, why MBA?.......................and here I thought I was past the interview stage. Suddenly, as my answers seemed to be meandering and her questions losing direction, there came the sucker punch " tell me five nice things about myself". Im not often caught at a loss for words but this was surely one of those. To put it succintly, I went blank. So I blabbed about her enthusiasm, debate skills and bubbly nature (cross my soul)and gave her my most winning smile hoping for a reprieve. She said "tell me more". Ah well, "when you do the thing you fear, you fear it no more". So I said that she was the most beautiful girl on campus and heaved a sigh. One couldnt ask for more could one?
Wrong. Behind that rather robust figure there lay a razor sharp mind. " Pray tell me dear fellow, why didnt you ask me out till the last possible moment then?" she said. She would have made the KGB, Gestapo and MI5 all proud. Perry Mason would have his hat off to her. I made an excuse about having two left feet and thus not wanting to ruin her evening making me hesitate till the end ( not bad for a spur of the moment one I thought). And then I dealt myself sucker punch number two. I guess those who have the FITM (Foot in the Mouth) syndrome would identify with me but it always seems to crop up at the wrong time. Not that I know a right time for it. But seeing the one way flow of traffic made me venture out a question of my own. I asked her about her hobbies. Among others she mentioned cooking as one of them And so, connecting staying in Bongland with Bong colleges and Bong friends, I uttered " Bongs are usually good cooks". She sat up straight, her back went rigid and with flashing eyes she said " What the f***. Im a Marwadi. Now I knew I was beyond the point of no return.
Now I dont know if I have made it clear but the two left feet syndrome was indeed a real one, thus forming a great reason for me not wanting to embarass myself by taking a date to the party, but now that moment I dreaded had finally come.
Oh well. We all have to face our waterloo sometime I guess. But just as we entered the party, she started greeting everybody like long lost friends (funny as I dont remember the ride to be that long) and I needed a drink badly after the ordeal. So off I headed towards the refreshments and "down the hatch it went with a hey nonny nonny and a hot cha cha". Fermented potatoes had never tasted better. By the time I got back, to the dance floor, feeling a bit more fortified ( a couple of the best ones help not only loosen tongues as per popular belief but the legs also). Seeing the lady occupied in doing the salsa with some poor soul, I got busy stepping on the toes of all those within reach with great gusto. Fortunately for the rest of the dance floor Im not too much into high heels or there actually might have been blood on the dance floor.
Another coupla jolly ones makes one forget the rest in a kinda mist and so after some time I was vaguely aware of someone shaking me vigorously. I didnt particularly recognise her but she directed me towards my erstwile date. She was sitting disconsolately in a corner and feeling that she really didnt know me well enough if she missed my dancing so much I proceeded to elicit the where, why and how from her. Apparently some idiot had stamped on her foot and broken her sandal (God bless his soul) and someone else had her elbow bludegeon into her resulting in a loss of her lenses. She regrettably informed me that she would not be able to dance with me and apologised for ruining my evening ( yippie).
So with a song in my heart and a tear in my eye I bid her adieu, and have lived to tell the tale.
PS:
To my date that nite: If you ever read this, its all in good humour. I think the very fact that I remember the details are a testimony to that.
To the others: Im not a mean guy or a sadist or a chauvinist. I just got a weird sense of humour I guess.
2 Aug 2007
RR-002: Episode 1- run up to the first date
It was early evening. The campus was buzzing with activity. Who was going out with whom, what would everybody be wearing, why were the haves ( in terms of dates) better than the have nots, why were they worse off, what was the probability of fireworks etc etc. Seemed like a good time for a game of football. But just as I was starting to tie the shoe laces, in barged into my room a group of second yearites. It seemed that a round up was under way. Apparently my theory had failed or some would say that it had been too successful as with a vast multitude coming to the same conclusion, about a quarter of the ladies were without dates.
In no uncertain terms we were cursed for being spineless and shameless and marched off to the Ladies Hostel. Being among the first to arrive there, I was entrusted with the task of using the intercom to woo the "unwooed" ladies. A dozen guys were standing behind me giving the impression of death row prisoners waiting for the firing squad.
Having not had too much experience in wooing ladies unwooed or otherwise, I picked up the receiver and stood listening to the rythmic tringing of the telephone. On hearing a feminine voice I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind "For all the girls who dont have dates, there are a lot of guys waiting downstairs". There was an incredulous silence for a long moment after which a tirade started and I hastily flung down the receiver and cut the torrent. After managing to dodge the man hunt through some astute manouvering I managed to reach back to safety only to be caught by another group.
And it was just my luck that in the near vicinity, there was one of the 'unwooed'. Well, I have done my share of difficult things in life ( as have most of us I presume) but asking a girl out in the classic 'down on one knee' technique with an imaginary rose in my hand in front of 20 cackling, whistling and howling senors and senoritas would rank right up there I guess.
But as the title suggests, this was just the run up. The real fun was yet to begin.
In no uncertain terms we were cursed for being spineless and shameless and marched off to the Ladies Hostel. Being among the first to arrive there, I was entrusted with the task of using the intercom to woo the "unwooed" ladies. A dozen guys were standing behind me giving the impression of death row prisoners waiting for the firing squad.
Having not had too much experience in wooing ladies unwooed or otherwise, I picked up the receiver and stood listening to the rythmic tringing of the telephone. On hearing a feminine voice I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind "For all the girls who dont have dates, there are a lot of guys waiting downstairs". There was an incredulous silence for a long moment after which a tirade started and I hastily flung down the receiver and cut the torrent. After managing to dodge the man hunt through some astute manouvering I managed to reach back to safety only to be caught by another group.
And it was just my luck that in the near vicinity, there was one of the 'unwooed'. Well, I have done my share of difficult things in life ( as have most of us I presume) but asking a girl out in the classic 'down on one knee' technique with an imaginary rose in my hand in front of 20 cackling, whistling and howling senors and senoritas would rank right up there I guess.
But as the title suggests, this was just the run up. The real fun was yet to begin.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)